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Is this a new unwritten rule about dating?


DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating for a while now: guys I have met at work, friend of friends, etc.

Harriette Cole 

I find that men still go by that unwritten rule that if they take me out and buy me dinner, I am supposed to go home with them. I have always hated that assumption, but now it is like I cannot escape it. I am not even comfortable going on dates now because I get anxious about how it will end and what he will say.

Why is it that men only give to get? Is there some new unwritten rule that I don’t know about yet when it comes to dating? Maybe I am old-fashioned and expect to wait too long before things progress to physical intimacy. What are your thoughts about men rushing the physical part?

Old-Fashioned Girl

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED GIRL: One woman I know follows this vetting process: When invited on a date, she tells the guy upfront that she’s looking forward to the activity but that she does not sleep with anyone unless she is engaged.

She says that this has cost her plenty of dates, but the brave ones who stick around often have a lovely time with her — without the expectation of intimacy looming over their heads.

The point here is to be transparent. It may feel uncomfortable bringing it up at the onset of a date, but honestly, getting physical will feel uncomfortable at the end of a date when you hardly know someone. Step up and set the tone yourself.


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